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previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
This creature is being thrust out of the ground and it looks like this sort of bison kind
of look to it.
And all of the undead in this village are now coming towards you.
There's about 20 of them.
You're all tearing off and you dive in and into one of these these shacks.
So are we going down into the meat hole?
Oh, please never say that again.
Sounds like a pretty rocking Saturday.
Do we just roll in and say, Orcus, look at this.
It's it's Thea Anastasia.
And the crew.
Flint.
I don't think I feel comfortable being the headliner if it could just be like,
I feel like you and Flint kind of are the headliner.
No offense.
Grant says 900 no offense to you, but I mean, it is true.
I do not even know myself.
It's best to keep me at the back.
I've got things like delayed blast fireball.
Well, it sounds like you need to get that checked out.
Agreed.
I also have sequester.
You want me to try that one out on you?
I'm not into horses.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More.
He him also with me today.
His Carla Max dead.
See her playing lip-synchy Pip Diggins, a deep gnome warlock.
Did you guys even know that?
I never say it.
I remembered warlock could not have told you much else.
Yeah.
Also, she her.
And Amy More.
Yeah, she her.
And I'm playing Thea Anastasia, a high elf druid.
Also she her.
And Gael Nighthunter Oglokanu, Goliath Barbarian, she they.
And Tom Laird.
Yeah.
He him.
And I'm playing Flint Firebeard.
He him.
And Kyle Claset.
Once again and forevermore.
He him.
And I'll be playing Varnucks.
Also he him.
And once again and forevermore.
All right.
We're back into it.
There's no fumbles.
There's no stumbles.
We're back.
It's not as awkward as it was last time getting shaken the dust off.
I'll make it awkward.
I mean, the episode was awkward, just in general, so I probably will get back there
to apologies.
I mean, it's a it's a it's a gross place.
Things are things are happening.
But where gross things don't happen is over on Patreon, Patreon.com slash dumb
dragon cast in spite of our as often.
Yeah.
Do you lie?
Do you lie?
No.
Yeah, we do.
Let's not live in absolutes, right?
It is true.
Some of the best lies are rooted in small truths, as it was pointed out to us in
the last episode.
Wise man once said that.
Opal has done some gross stuff.
So over there on Patreon.
What has Opal done that was not biologically just in character?
Just because it's biologically in character, him like cleaning himself is still.
That was not me.
The cheese poop?
That was.
The cheese poops?
Oh my God.
In the well?
In the well.
If you if you join our Patreon, this will all make sense because there's a whole other
game that Tom runs and Russ authorizes that one.
It's great time.
And you also get an episode dedicated to you like today's patron, Ongeron Kiersen.
What a fantastic name.
Kiersen.
Oh, thank you.
That is a powerful name.
That is.
Wow.
Love it.
I know.
Yeah.
Well, end of episode.
What else do you say?
I know.
Where do you go from there?
We go to a game that we're going to play.
Fuck it.
Let's play it.
Play it now.
Play it.
Play it.
Play it.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm not a horse girl.
The sound you hear up ahead of you as you reach near reach the blood sewers tearing
across the the open cavern, which is still as we should set the scene, you're in a
cavern made of meat parts.
And this cave system that you descended from the the undead shantytown where you came
off of the River Styx opens onto the blood sewers and coming up through the blood sewers
which passes quickly in your vision are these hideous looking seahorse creatures
giant like like caterpillar arms on them.
And they have these big horn sheep horns on their head.
And they're pulling what looked like some sort of facility manager or operations manager
King Triton.
Perfect visual.
Yes.
I can see it.
Exactly.
Shell.
He's in janitorial costume.
No, I meant riding in a shell.
Oh, yes.
Not his outfit.
Not wearing shell.
But I mean, that would have been fine, too.
He's got a puka shell necklace, though, but we won't judge him.
Oh, and frosted tips.
Exactly.
Yeah.
What a look.
Also, Guy Fieri is there, too.
And we see our adventurers who are who we've established are most of them are
disgusted with their surroundings.
But specifically, Grancis and Flint are hanging back a little bit.
Not too far because you don't want to be separated in the meat caves.
And Grancis leans into Flint and says, oh, lies and truths and they're rooted in.
When are you going to when you're going to, you know, when they need to know.
So they don't know.
I think Thea has suspicions.
Yeah.
Yeah, she probably does.
She's smart.
She's got like a whip, that one.
She's pretty mean to me.
But you know, I treat her like a daughter.
It's just because she loves you so much.
Yeah.
Well, I'm not very good with my kids.
I named one after me.
My daughter specifically.
I named my daughter after me.
Grancyne.
Oh, yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nice try.
We drift up to the main group.
This humidity.
The blood humidity down in these sewers is rough.
So I was thinking when we get out there, the reason I would bring you all is you've
all traversed time.
Even you, Lipsinki.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Credence to the reason why I'm bringing you forth to Orcus.
Of course, I'm going to do my best to play to his ego.
Of course, he knows about you.
Of course, he knows you've come here.
It was Bahamut, right?
That sent you?
Yes.
Yeah.
I mean.
He probably knows that too.
Yeah.
We could assume these things and perhaps inflating the ego, if he hasn't, will benefit us.
And whenever, whenever we drop the facade.
Like we say, we've come from the future because you've taken over and you're so
amazing.
And then he's happy?
And we want to get in on ground floor.
Oh.
I mean, that's a whole new trick.
Like we see how it goes, yes, and it's not good.
Yeah, like we want to be on the winning side, is that?
We could spin that that way.
We could definitely spin it that way.
I was thinking of bringing the heroes of the future have come back to slay Orcus
as a reason to bring you in front of them.
But if you want to, I mean, whatever you think is the good thing to do.
This is hmm.
I mean, these are sort of different plans, but similar.
I mean, are we here to tell him that how good are we going to be as actors being
like, no, yeah, dude, you're so cool.
Like we wanted to get in on this and not die horrible deaths.
I mean, I'm going to say some of us better than others.
You're going to have to do some evil shit in front of him if you want that to fly.
Are you ready to do that?
I'm looking at Night Hunter here.
I mean, bless you.
You're so strong and big and beautiful.
But I feel like you only can sort of speak just what you actually think.
Thea, if they asked you to kill Grancis a thousand times over, would you do it?
Could you do it?
Only a thousand times?
OK, maybe that's a bad example.
What?
But you get what I'm trying to say.
Nothing, Grancis.
Don't worry about it.
OK.
You may have to sacrifice some of us in order to save the world.
OK, so if this is our plan, then when do we?
I mean, like five minutes in, we say like, oh, my God, you totally take over the world.
We want to be on the winning side.
And then like Eldritch Blast or, you know, how long is this con?
Yeah.
Is it like long con?
We get in, we like we're here for.
We start working, we start in the, you know, doing just regular desk job and then we work
our way up and then we go middle management and then and then, you know, upper management
with the sweet corner office and then we climb the corporate ladder.
I mean, Grancis, you're going to have to torture yourself, I think if I did that
too, actually, you're advocating for like a 25 year plan.
Yeah, I think so.
I think so.
How much time do we have?
I mean, not that long.
Not 25 years.
And we shouldn't sacrifice anyone to just turn around and attack them immediately after
we could use that person that we sacrificed to have more firepower.
Right.
Did I mention I have Katnap?
I could be very helpful.
Do you think this will work against Orcus?
Is that why you keep bringing it up?
How powerful is Katnap?
Can you make him sleepy?
Orcus is not a cat.
No, no.
It's about taking cats.
I just have to make a calming gesture and up to three willing creatures.
We could make him willing and wanting to have a nap.
Right.
And then he just falls asleep.
He does evil sleep.
I guess if we played like some bird sounds and some white noise, it might lull him
whale songs, maybe.
I don't think that is sort of what I mean, Vorunax, you know better
than me.
But I mean, I know the big guy a bit, and I don't feel like that's what he finds
calming.
I mean, I think you need something more kind of dissonant.
Screams of the innocent.
And loud.
Yep.
Yes.
Yes.
The lamenting of the unworthy.
Yes.
I mean, Grancis, you got years of practice, so that sounded actually pretty good.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I've been practicing.
And then there was like sharp pangs, right?
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
How do you like those?
I love that tune.
That was, yeah.
I mean, I feel like I maybe, didn't that get turned into, oh, I guess, Vorunax, you
don't know yet, but I feel like there's a remix of that that we kind of like played
at the, at a party or something.
Can you do it, just, could you do that a little bit more rhythmically, Grancis?
Because I feel like.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Yeah, for sure we, I'm pretty sure we.
I was on Guts Music 6.
You got the stuff, kid.
You got the stuff.
He's got that set of something.
You throw auto-tune on there, and it's gold.
Oh, yeah.
No, that's like, I mean, Cher was in the next cell.
She was, she was working the high range, and I was in the low register, and I bring
it up sometimes to Matt.
Now, did Cher mention what she did to end up in the next cell?
I'm curious.
Well, she turned back time.
Of course!
Yeah.
She didn't actually believe in life after love?
She didn't believe in life after love.
Nope.
Yep.
So nothing we can relate to.
Not turning back time, life after love.
You already did that, didn't you?
Yeah, no, nothing that we, any of ourselves, have direct interaction with.
Alright, we've talked a lot, and I, and we have not yet come up with an idea.
I think maybe we go with original, you've captured us, because we came back in time,
and, um, and then I guess I have the same question, when do we attack, like, then?
Because we don't want them to get taken away to a cell.
Yeah, we don't want to be separated.
Yes.
Um.
So.
Probably just, like, wait for a lull in the conversation between Vorunax and-
And Orcus, yeah, it seems like-
I mean, Orcus will probably, like, sort of, um, be proselytizing, and like-
I will swear my fealty by executing you in front of Orcus, and instead of executing
you, that's when we go.
Yeah.
Okay, because he's expecting you to kill us, but instead, we kill him.
Surprise.
Yeah, that's better than the plan I had played out, so you would pretend to execute us
and I would cast Catnap, and we would all fall asleep, and then be dead.
Yes.
Pretend.
Okay, I mean, this seems like we've got A, get in front of Orcus, B, kill Orcus,
it's only a two-step plan.
This is plan adjacent.
It seems pretty easy.
Yeah.
We're going to walk into the blood sewers, which you have obviously made it to completely
now.
Seems clear.
I think we just have to make it up that ladder on the other side.
We have to walk through the-
Of the torrent of blood.
Yeah, and I am going to say there is some clots, so just, I mean, it's not just-
They call them-
Clots?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just be careful.
Clip clots?
You really want to be impressive, you've got to do a clot hop, get across it.
Right, and you walk on clots.
Yeah.
It's how you prove your loyalty to Orcus, is walking on clots.
Let's proceed.
Second step is to know the difference between clots with spots.
Are you okay?
Okay, you step out into the blood sewers, and it's like, it's a white water rapids
if it's the direct relation, but it's red and foaming, and more frequently than not
you see clots just thrown up and splat onto the surface that you're now walking on, and
often to the left, everybody make a, what's your passive perception?
Because there's a lot happening in front of you that you now have to walk across.
Nine.
Ten.
Thirteen.
But I've maybe been here before.
Ten for Night Hunter, but twenty for Thea.
Oh, right.
Thea's got the baller.
She knows what's up.
Perception.
Thea's very smart.
Twelve.
Okay, so yeah, absolutely Thea.
So everybody steps out and you're just contemplating, you know, trying to time
the clots, see if there's any rhyme or reason to why you are down here doing
this task before you.
And Thea, you see often to both sides, actually, like what you see out of the corner
of your eye is like a tentacle move off of the walkway that runs alongside in the sewer.
Guys, tentacles.
Tentacles in the blood.
Make a dexterity saving throw.
Everyone?
Probably not everyone.
Let's go Flint and Lipsynch.
Eleven.
Fourteen.
Both of you are grabbed by the leg by this large octopus-like tentacle that's dripping
with blood and caked with these clots, and it pulls you.
Make a strength saving throw, please.
Oh, geez.
Twenty.
Dirty twenty.
A dirty twenty as well.
Pulls you.
You're knocked prone, but you're not pulled in.
Let's go to the top of the round.
I guess Grancis gets to go.
God damn it.
Catnap.
Hit him with the special sauce.
Do you think it's really tired and willing, because that's what catnap does.
He's going to try to hit it with some magic missiles.
It's a eighteen, a twenty-eight, and a seventeen.
So magic missiles blast.
I mean, you know magic missile hits every time, right?
Not Jim's magic missile.
Oh, okay.
I'm withdrawn.
Yeah, Jim's magic missile.
Why are they gluten-free?
If they wanted to do the most amount of damage, they'd be glutenous as hell.
That's so true.
And covered in peanuts and like...
Soy.
Yeah.
Exactly.
But yeah, those strike and blast, and you feel them recoil and then pull back
in away from you.
So we've got to make it across there with the squid, squids.
Who's first?
Grancis puts his finger to his nose.
Very well.
I'll take it up.
How far is that?
How wide is the span?
It's a big blood sewer.
Let's say twenty-five feet across to the next.
So you've got five feet, twenty feet, and then five feet.
So twenty-foot gap.
Yeah, I guess I should clarify.
What I'm picturing is like an old-fashioned medieval, so like with an arched roof
and walkways along the side.
Okay, perfect.
That's exactly what I'm picturing.
Looks like it would be nice if it wasn't raging blood rivers.
You know, this is meat.
The walls are meat.
Yeah.
Do you think we could shoot a rope across and hope that it sticks in deep enough?
Let's do it.
As you guys work that rope situation out, see a cast levitate on herself, and then
using the, like, I don't know, different moles and pores of the wall, pulls herself
up and over.
We should have given her the rope.
Yeah.
Well, here, hand me the rope.
Oh.
I was like halfway through, like, I grab the rope and I make my way spider climbing,
but not spider climbing, because it's just levitation, I'm just moving myself.
Like a weightless rock flesh climber.
To the other side, where I fasten it to the end of an arrow and, like, just drive it
into the fleshy wall.
That's good.
You drive it in and feel it, like, pull it in further.
Oh, god.
And you test it.
It seems like it's strong, it's anchored on both sides, and you make your way across.
Everybody make a dexterity, either acrobatics or athletics.
I mean, except for us, because I'm still attached to a tentacle, I think.
No, those released on the magic missile.
I was still fully under the impression that we were attached to those tentacles.
Me too.
Oh, sorry, yeah.
They were blasted by the magic missile.
They were coiled and pulled into the sewer.
Okay, gotcha.
Yeah, great.
You guys are just chilling.
Great news.
I want to take back where I poke it in.
I poke it into the roof, because then you can swing on it instead of how is it going
to help you with a straight across?
Our bAlydince is impeccable.
Oh, oh, oh, I see.
Tied it on your end, and now it's just a tightrope.
Oh, gotcha.
I'm just going to do this, and I just cast spider climb on myself, and I'm not
messing with this rope business.
All right, I guess I'm going on the rope.
Here I go.
What's my dexterity?
I'm an old man.
Probably great.
Probably really great.
Probably the best stat you have.
Acrobatics.
Athletics is actually better.
So that's a nine.
So, Grancis swings and slips and falls into the raging rapids.
Oh, shit.
Vorunax is going to dive after him.
You're diving, swimming to him?
Yeah.
Making probably athletics, because you're swimming, and then you're going to try
and pull him.
That is a 13.
Well, Vorunax is doing that.
Can you, like Grancis, does he have like one hand out of the sewer as he's like
being swept away?
Like what's going on there?
Yeah, like there's the occasional like...
All right.
On a stretch when his hand is like above, I try to throw my Dwarven Hammer
into his hand so that the handle will land in his hand, and I can maybe slow
his progress a little.
Subsequently breaking every bone in Grancis's hand.
I love that.
He's either going to get swept away.
True.
Yeah, drown in blood or broken hand.
I mean, it's his choice.
An attack roll for your accuracy.
I'm going to make an intelligence check to see if he has the wherewithal to,
or probably just straight-up perception is probably good, to see if he is
able to see it coming.
Holy my word.
That's a nat one.
Okay.
Ken, how far is he?
He's drowning in goopy, clotty blood.
This can work.
Thea Thorne with him?
No, this can work.
Just a two hit.
19 before whatever bonuses I get.
So like 84?
33.
Whoa.
Okay, so as we previously mentioned, Grancis rolled a natural one.
So what's going to happen is your...
I mean, if it's a two hit, technically my two hits on a 19 are crits.
So you kill Grancis?
I mean, if it needs to be extra successful to battle the Krone.
Is it like super accurate?
Do you have a little loop on the end so that you don't hit the TV
when you throw the hammer?
Totally.
That's exactly what I have.
It's a Nintendo Switch.
Or with an Oculus, you know it's got a strap.
Always wear your straps.
Kind of go around his wrist.
Okay, so several things happened.
Vorunax jumped in with a 13.
Dwarven Thrower was super awesome with a 30 bajillion.
And then Grancis fucked it all up again with a one.
So Vorunax and Dwarven Hammer go almost at the same time.
Vorunax, you have no problem catching up because you're going with the rapids
and you're much more strong than Grancis is
and he's kind of flailing about, slowing himself down.
On one of his bumps, as you are getting to him,
Dwarven Hammer connects with Grancis' chest.
He's now hugging the hammer.
Oh my god.
Roll damage, please.
I mean, I've got great distance control, but I don't think it's that great.
No.
All right.
Oh, Grancis' poor ribs.
Not as bad as it could have been, guys.
So that's 11.
11 bludgeoning damage.
11 bludgeoning damage straight to an old man's sternum.
Straight to an old man's sternum.
No problem.
Honestly, 11's a little on the lower side of what it possibly could have been.
Of course it is.
It could have been much worse.
It's the darkest timeline.
It could have been like 80.
So Vorunax, just as you about reach Grancis,
he zips away from you and you're left there like, what the fuck?
But then he comes barreling back and you grab his leg
and are pulled back with him towards Flint and the rest of the group.
Does Flint just have two arms open like, come to Papa?
Yeah.
Make an athletics check to see how well you catch both of these people
and your hammer.
All right.
14 plus 11.
25.
Slip into the warm embrace of Flint.
So soft.
Like a big hug embrace.
Everybody flies back.
It is a bit of a cluster because there's three of you.
There's arms and legs everywhere.
But everybody's cushioned and soft and lands, of course,
on the side that you were on previously.
But safer nonetheless.
Bloodier.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, we're really going to.
Oh, God.
Wow.
Yeah.
Gotta look the part.
Really put a spin on that one, didn't you?
Why did no one think about tying a rope to Grancis' waist
before we let him go across this thing?
I feel like he made his own choice.
I guess yell from the other side because I've already.
Or maybe this is the N.I. just chatting.
I think so.
I think that sometimes Grancis thinks he knows best
because he's the oldest and he doesn't really listen to reason.
He's made way more bad decisions than I have.
I mean, since I've known you, that's certainly true.
And I've lived a lot longer than him.
OK, everybody.
I just remembered that I read in my book that I can cast fly.
Oh, my God.
Hello, friends.
It is the middle.
That is a song that is a song off and into the going up.
It could be sound of silence, but we're going for positive as we live in the abyss.
We're in the abyss and it's terrifying and gross.
OK, mostly gross right now.
Reaching terrifying levels of grossness.
Hi, it's me, your dungeon master.
Hi. Yeah, it's me.
I'm the problem.
It's me because I come up with all the stuff that's gross.
OK, get to it, Russ.
See, when I'm alone, I don't have focus.
That's my problem.
I need everybody else to focus me.
Where we would like to have you come join us
is over on Patreon, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
We have a little bit more simplified tiers right now.
Not tears is in the sadness in the abyss, but tears is in structure.
Like a five dollar tier, a twenty five dollar tier and a game time,
which is now sixty dollars instead of a hundred, which it has been in the past.
So we're trying that out and having a great time.
There's a game every month and we want you to join us over there.
What do you get at these tiers?
So at five dollars and up, you get access to a whole ton of bonus content
as well as ad free of the main series.
That's right.
So not only do you get like basically double the number of episodes
that are in the main feed, but you don't you don't have to listen to ads.
That's a bonus.
You get access to the discord community at twenty five dollars.
You become a supporting producer.
You get your name listed at the end of every episode.
Just listen to the end. See how many cool cats are back there.
They're all cool.
I don't know if they're all cats, but they're all they're all just wonderful people.
And at game time, obviously, you get to play a game with one of us
running the game and then another person playing.
And up to four total people from the community can play.
So you get to make friends at the same time.
It's a great time.
Patreon dot com slash dumb dragon cast.
I'm going to I'm going to finish up now, get you back to the episode next week.
Maybe maybe some more people will be here.
Maybe we'll see.
Talk to you soon.
OK, bye.
And we cut up to the street where there's a manhole cover.
Oh, no. Yeah.
What is that?
Literal. Yeah.
With that.
The the the butt plug is released into the city square.
Oh, God. And whose head pokes up first?
Well, I would think Varnocks.
Varnocks are a sinky, right?
It's got to be because now we're like it's happening now.
Villagers. Yeah.
We do. We don't want to be seen as not.
We don't want the ruse, right?
Yes. Yeah, we can't be seen leading.
Exactly.
OK, so Varnocks.
You poke your head up.
Squeak.
Right in the town square of Neretir.
Often to the left, you see the gates and the massive steeple of Orcus's castle.
And often to the right, you see the row of mausoleums.
And there are several guards who are drawn to the butt plug being expelled and come are rushing over.
They haven't. You don't know if they've seen you directly, but they're coming over to your position right now.
I'm pulling myself out and, you know, pulling up lip-synchy next, I imagine.
And then I feel like probably would have, you know, would have addressed maybe some manacles or something before heading up.
Taking the rope and...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whatever plans we needed to do as far as getting that ready.
But once I get out, I wipe the blood off myself and I say, good, you're here.
Oh, Mr. Varnocks.
Yes.
They all stand just kind of shabbled in what they...
At ease.
At ease.
At attention, like arms and legs are all over the place.
Oh, yeah, sorry. What are you doing coming up from the sewers?
Oh, annual Clothop. You know how it goes.
Anyway, I'm going to be taking some high profile prisoners.
Oh, of course.
Of course.
So I need you to go and open the gate.
I'll be taking to Orcus' court directly.
Yes, of course. Why would I question you? There's zero reason.
Up, up, up, up. You see two of them zip off.
Good. I'll mention your commitment to the Dark Lord.
Thank you for telling the Dark Lord that Gartholomew is the greatest guard known to the Abyss.
Gartholomew?
Gartholomew.
Gartholomew.
Gartholomew, how's Beverly?
She's doing well. She's falling apart at the seams, just to be expected at about this time of year.
Good. Good. We'll get her sewn back up. Don't worry about it.
Thank you, thank you. Okay, off to the gates.
Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up.
Are y'all ready?
Yeah, you guys feel like those ropes? Like you can get out of that, right? I mean, they look serious.
But...
It's all good.
Okay.
Okay, yeah, I'm playing the part. I got this cracked sternum. It's really really just like yeah, you gave it to us
Took us by storm. That's right
You've got it. You should probably punch flint in the face a couple times
I mean thea can you like heal him a little bit for that grants his punches you in the face flint for an 18
I mean yeah, it wait one sec. We check that AC. Yeah, that'll hit
uh
This bony old man fish just flies out of your face
uh
Surprisingly
Four damage
and it was actually
and how many damage did flint or did uh grants his name to flint
uh
Probably a couple
I get in between them and breaking it break it up and say ah yes your morale is broken on front of the Dark Lord's gates
ha ha ha
Welcome yourselves to the end
Looking over my shoulder
I think they believe you
Good
Yeah
You all begin to proceed through these
uh
Skeletal gates that have been
creaked open
You're walking along what at a glance looks like cobblestones, but is actually skulls
That you're walking down and across
And it leads up to
This massive
Spired
Castle
You
Proceed up to the front gates and there's two more guards that
Front doors and there's two more guards that
Barrel them open
And you're inside this
Uh massive entryway
That
As described
Is covered the floor is covered
In woven hair
That looks like it's blowing in some
Makeshift breeze
The walls
Themselves feel
Not feel because I doubt any of you are actively
Touching them right now but look like
They have a pulse to them
There are
Sconces on the walls that are made of
Jaw bones and like
Clack together with these
Blue and black
And purple twisting
And lights, flames within them
Anybody grossed out enough?
That does hold me
I look towards Vorunax
And I say
Uh where'd you find this
Interior designer
Shut your mouth prisoner
He's really committing to the bit
And plus it super looks like he struck me
Cause I'm bleeding a little bit from
Grants's punch earlier
Uh Vorunax you're
We're going straight to Orcus
Is that the plan? That was the plan?
Uh I'm gonna lead
Them in a way that gives
Us a chance to where you know maybe
There would be some patrol but
Likely we would have a moment to
Just confer
A little bit and you know
To talk it out
Yeah would uh
Vorunax have a
Quote unquote office space
That he's rented
Maybe downtown
Yeah are there intake forms that need to happen
I mean your upper management
Uh yeah I'll
That's a very good point
Why don't we head to my office
For the processing so that uh
The uh bureaucratic
Enjoyments that
Orcus seems to have very evil
Uh is met
Oh so a lot of paperwork down here then
And I give him a big wink
Yes yes you'll learn the way soon enough
And uh we'll be able to
Get you on on the fast track
Up to the executive uh
Branch
Mr Vorunax that sounds amazing
I'm so happy to be here
Thank you Miss Pip Diggins I'm glad you
Accompanied me to take
Care of this filth
Walk walk walk walk
Yeah it's beautiful here
And these guys are the worst right?
Super awful and I hate them
Oh they're being so rude
Yeah I hate them too
They're hurting my feelings
They're so evil
Gosh yeah that's right
Now you know how it feels
Um
Yeah lead them
Lead them to uh
To my office for processing
Yeah you walk down
Several corridors to your office
And as you pass you see
Several groups of undead just
Bumping into the walls
A couple more guards like
Positioning them and walking them down
They give you nods as they go
Both sets they
They brain dead and they not
You make it into your office what is your office
Uh my office is
Uh not unpacked
I moved a lot of stuff in but I haven't
Unboxed it cause I haven't spent too much
Time here yet so um
You know there's still like
There's a good layer of dust
On the uh
On the skull
Encrusted desk it's a
Requirement uh not our
Not Vorunax's choice but uh
He prefers a standing desk
Yeah yeah you know it's like
Well you know sometimes I if I can get
A treadmill of skin going then I can get
My steps in while I do my paperwork
But uh it wasn't in the budget
Um
But no um please you can have a
Have a seat on the chaise while we uh
Figure some things out that was something
I was able to score I'm pretty proud of it's comfortable
I think you'll enjoy it um it's actually
Made of not
Remains so
I really had to fill out
A lot of paperwork for that one
Uh we're just gonna sit down here
I'd like to say
You settle in better but honestly this
Is exactly what your office looks like
Like when we meet like you're
You work too hard I guess is what I'm saying
You work too hard you never unpack your office
I believe believed
In
What I was going after and uh
If you're sitting behind a desk then
You're not really doing the
Lord's work I guess is how
I would put it um
Yeah Orcus's will be done out in the world
Not here I feel like he's got things here
Yes
I'm getting a little swept up um
This is weird for me
But it's okay I'm okay
You're all okay are you
I've never done something like this
Before I've never
Betrayed someone
Which I know betrayal
Is a weird thing considering he's evil I'm
Evil betrayal seems like an evil thing to do
But it's for the good
Um
You're doing great job
Well uh
Flint dear
You've been honest with me
This entire time since I've met you
In this timeline
How do you do it
How do you
How do you make a hard choice
Like not
Not how do you make a hard choice this isn't a hard choice
It's a weird choice
What do we do
How did you prepare yourselves
How did you get yourselves ready to
Take on
Tiamat
You know
Throwing yourself into it
Without thinking too much
It's a strategy that's
Um
That's one we've taken
A few times
It has its merits
Because you don't
Question you know what you're doing
Is the right thing do you
Wish you'd planned a bit more
Yes do you wish your best friend hadn't been
Murdered absolutely
Um but
You know um
Legacy
Right it's not
It's not for us it's for everyone
Else it's for the world
After we're gone and
That's a noble
Pursuit
Yeah we didn't have to
Prepare
We were prepared by what
Happened before
Forged in the flames
You're not having second
No no it's the
It's really shitty
I used to believe that
At one point as you know
Then I had my crisis of faith
And it's like a second crisis of faith
Going back to the first faith
Um
I'm going to choose
To trust you
Still
In that
That this will
Hand out
Well for everyone else
If death is what we commit ourselves to
For the greater good
Then so be it
Preferably not
Like you know be optimistic
Yeah I mean ideally
We're all good here but if that's
What needs to happen
That's what needs to happen
Unfortunately
Do you feel
Prepared to take on a god
Again?
I was just going to say it's not the first time
Okay
But no I don't
But I'll be ready for it prepared or not
Well when you're ready
I'm ready too
We'll sign these forms
Yes actually yes let me
They're around here somewhere paper
Sorry you just have to collate them real quick hang on
Well Vorunax is getting those ready like I feel like we're
Like this is where Leosin
Would get our wills done up
And tell us that we're
We're good
But
Like
Theon, Flint
Like
If we
I feel like you two need to talk
Before
We go fight Orcus's face
As Nighthunter put it earlier
Yeah we've been through a lot
You know have a
Tatatat
Sure
We'll give you space
Oh look at these beautiful
God you got the sconces in here too son of a bitch
Yeah
The awkward staring
Continues
For a moment
So we're
Back at it hey
Just say it
Oh fuck
How can you
Is Flint even in there
Honestly I'm
Not sure
The last I saw of him
It didn't look so great for him
What do you mean didn't look so great
For him you're
Aren't you sharing a
Like mind space
I mean we
Were
Kind of had it out over who was
Taking over
And I get it didn't go
So well for him
He lost to you
I mean I don't know what to tell you
You can tell me why you're doing any of this
Why you're pretending to be him
You could have just hopped up and said
Yo I'm not Flint
Yep I could have
And all those people
That had their hopes
Built on the fact that
He was going to come back
Well maybe that was just something that they didn't need to hear
At that moment
Can we trust you?
I mean I've seen what's out there
As the alternative
So yeah I'm all in
If we survive this
I don't want to see you again
Okay
Vorunax are we done here?
Um
I believe so uh one last question
For Grants is can you make like some kind
Of dimensional hole for me to put this
Thing in and I hold up
The Wand of Orcus
There's a lot of holes like all around here
Yeah
A dimensional one they have dimensions
Yes
Oh oh oh oh
The joke I made earlier to Night Hunter
Uh uh
The one about the
It's a question The guy from Van Kuttet
Yes
Where did it go?
There it is I found it
I found it everybody it was on page 87
Uh right down at the bottom there
Find print uh sequester
So I can take a willing creature
Or an object
And hide it away
Safe from detection for the duration
So when I cast the spell
And touch the target
It becomes invisible
And can't be targeted by
Divination spells
Or perceived through scrying
Sensors created by divination
Spells
If the target is a creature it's not a creature
Is it? Uh it's
Sentient yeah but it's not a creature
Okay it falls
If okay so if it's sentient
That could cause an issue because it would have to be
Willing sentience
But time ceases to flow forward and it
Falls asleep you set a condition
For the spell to end early
The condition can be anything you choose
But it must occur or be visible
Within one mile of the target
Examples include but not all in
After one thousand years
Or when the terrasque awakens
The spell also ends
If the target takes any damage
So I can make it invisible
And then they can't find it by magic
But I don't know how
Orcus finds things
Well
Um we can
Try whatever we can try
Um okay
Well this is gonna
Sound weird
But um night hunter is there
Any chance that you have
Like um a
Lock of I don't know
Anyone's uh hair
Like Elia's hair
Or uh anything like that with
I mean probably not
Right you sort of left unexpectedly
Uh first why
Do you want it? Uh
Well I can do this thing where I
Can like summon an elemental
And it has a box and then we can put
A thing in the box and it can send
It to a person or creature
In another plane
And only they can open it
So I mean
I don't know how the wand works so
Is that a terrible idea? I mean where
Elia is I guess I can't send it
Through time honestly
This whole thing is so confusing
Is the wand can
Can you use it against him?
I feel he would uh
Take it from me
Easily
Yeah he just will seize it back
So we could send it
Somewhere else so he couldn't
Get it at least
I do not have Elia's hair
But uh opal
Sheds like literally everywhere
I have cat hair
All over me
All the time cat hair
Here there
Cat seemed
Erratic but um
I think he will have
Lots of fun um having box
He cannot open
Can he open it?
He would be able
To open it is the thing
The person that we have the
The physical piece of
I will be there Elia will be there
Cat is
Not alone we are always
Together
It's now which is not
Then
In the future
You guys are probably just living a nice
Life like going to farms or something
Right now
Probably just shitting in veils
Okay so
I'm going to cast
Galdur's speedy courier
So I summon an
Air elemental
It's formless transparent immune to all
Damage and can't interact with other creatures
Or object that has an open
Empty chest
Whose interior dimensions are
Three feet on each side
We can deposit as many items as we
Want in the chest that will fit
Then we name
A living creature that you have met
Or seen at least once
Um for which you
Have like
A nail clipping or some
Cat fur for example
And then as soon as the
Chest is closed the elemental in the
Chest disappear then reappear
Adjacent to the target creature
At a higher level
So I gotta burn a real
High one for this
Um you can send it to a creature
On a different plane of existence
Hey y'all it's
Confusing when you're traveling through time
In different planes but I think
Just put the
Wand in that little chest and we'll
Close it up and um it'll
Just appear in front of Opal
And um
He's the only one that'll be able
To open it
So it won't be
Here and we're probably gonna
You know I mean
We're heading there right now so
I don't think
Uh Orcus can get it back
Is there a way we could be like hey don't
Open this box?
Could we
Write on the outside of box?
I mean let's just try and like scroll
Something on the outside
So it's a little there's like a chest floating
In the air right now basically
Because you can't really see
The elemental uh you got a
Pen around here or I mean
God does it have to be one of those
Um blood fountain pens
I guess
Yeah you know
You know it does
So if I just write don't
Open and it's dripping blood
I mean he's not an idiot he's probably
Not gonna open it right?
Cause like even if Orcus summons it
It might have to be
Still within the box
If it's still in the box
Orcus couldn't even open it
Let's hope this works I mean he's not an
Idiot right?
Yeah I mean there's no way
So imagine you're just living
Your life and a box appears
And it says don't open
And blood is dripping down
Written in blood
I mean only an idiot
You wouldn't open that
You would probably throw it in a well or something right?
Let it on fire
Do not open song kitty
Okay
Okay
So I sort of twist it
Cause I can't close it yet
Do not open song kitty
And then sort of
Push it towards Vorunax
Put the wand in
And I snap it closed
It snaps and it's gone
And it sounds like when you send an
It's no longer there
That was a good thing right?
You don't want Orcus to get that wand
We don't
I mean we didn't want him to get it so
It's not here
Which anytime
In this situation I feel
Will be good time
Alright so
Let's go
About Orcus
Fuck it
Let's kill a god
Cut to a grand
Chamber
Entrance
And there's this huge
Goat head figure on
The face of this door
And as you approach it
All of you
Vorunax leading
Lipsynche behind and the rest of you
Ropes loose enough for you to get out of
The doors swing
Open and there's this
This inhalation
Into the room
Like air is just being let back in
There's this
Huge
Burning fire in the center
Of this chamber
Darkly lit on the other side
Is this massive
Shadowy figure
Who's inset on this huge
Skeletal throne
And this
Resonant echoing voice
Echoes out through the space
Vorunax
Elia
Nighthunter
Elia Nighthunter
Where
Where the fuck did you go
You're always running away
Playing hide and seek in the forest
Never let me play the games with them
And there's the sound of
These drums
Like in Jumanji
And this box just sticking up
With the sand in front of Opal
Appears and he looks down
At it
Wonder what that is
Reaches down to pick
It up
Hang on to this one
For later
Elia Nighthunter
Where are you
Dumbgeons and Dragons season 2
Episode 144
Starring Amy More as Thea and Nighthunter
Carla Maxted as Lipsinki
Tom Laird as Flint
With Kyle Claset as Vorunax
Peter Joseph Lewis as Orcus
And Russ More as your Dungeon Master
Dialogue editing by Carla Maxted
And sound design by Russ More
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
And Artlist
And sound effects from Epidemic Sound
Boom Library and Sound Ideas
And a huge thank you to our supporting producers
Elia Lynch, Jessica Babyok, Kat Waterflame
Jacob Madden, Christian Brown
Craig Zeiss, Perry Mady
Cosmic Octopus, Kayla Littlejohn
L.A. Branton, Nathaniel Teeter
Angheran Kiersten
Old School Gamer D
Destiny Garcia, Jordan Anderson
And Louis Hayes
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Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.